(Kadamba Kanana Swami, 14 September 2012, Pretoria Arts Campus, South Africa, Lecture: The perfect soul mate)
Love and hate are kind of natural sentiments in this world; everyone has it. I hate Mondays, for example. I do not know what you think about Mondays but I hate them! Like that, everyone has got something they hate and something they love and it is quite obvious. So that is the first principle – love is everywhere. People love things, they love places but more than that, they love other people, and they love other people the most. People get all sentimental when it is about mum and dad and things like that.
Love is here, in this world but is this love free from hatred? Does it even exist? Is there any relationship where there is some love but which is also free from hatred? That is not so easy, “Oh God, I just hate the way he leaves his socks lying around!” Or, “I hate the way she does this and that.”
So, in this world, love and hate come together and that is a point to consider in light of the perfect soul mate. If you think that somewhere around the corner there is a Cinderella or something… I never met Cinderella yet, I’m sorry. Or some prince on a white horse…. who has a horse these days? Who can even afford it? These things all exist on the level of our desire, since we desire it like that. We desire the fairytale, a perfection, but where is it in real life? In real life, you have got to make do with the best there is, and that is more or less how it is.
So whenever I see something like the perfect soul mate and exploding hearts, then I think, ‘Yeah, today it is going to be all rosy and so on and tomorrow, it is going to be something else!’
It is said that when falling in love, you meet a new person and this person looks full of amazing qualities, entirely like an ocean. After a while, you walk around that ocean and find out that it is only a pond and you don’t bother seeing that person again! What can be said? A lot happens in the mind. We dream in the mind of what we want and then we project our dreams into reality but reality has nothing to do with that dream. Sometimes it looks like it is happening, and at other times it does not.
So, where to look for the perfect soul mate? And love, it is possible? Surely love is the best quality we have but can we develop it? Before we talk about relationships, what about us? It begins with ourselves. If we are not full of love, then how can we expect a relationship which is full of love? It will not work, it is not possible. Only those who are themselves full of love and free from hate, only they can become perfect soul mates, and no one else.
So you can look at the world and you may think, “Every pot has its lid, everyone has his perfect counterpart.There is one person in the world, just somewhere around there and that is the one for me.” That is rubbish! It does not exist. It is not like that at all. It is give and take. On a material plane, as the paper blows away, so does love – it flies away in the wind! What to do?
Only when you are spiritually realized, can you have pure love. Only when you see that there is another world other than this world – an eternal world where we belong and where everybody belongs, then you can develop loving relationships together. Then you can have a world free of hatred. Otherwise, what do you do in this world? Everybody has seen enough hatred.
So that is what we have to get rid of. Not, “I love my dog and I love my little turf and what is in between my wall, and the rest of the world I hate.” That is not love. No, love means all inclusive; it means we have to be all inclusive. When love goes together with hate then it is not love.
Today, you can have a relationship with someone and it will be all love and the hate is for the neighbours, but that will change. One day, the love will be for the neighbours and the hate will be in your relationship, and that is when furniture starts flying… So true relationships begin when we ourselves become pure, free from hate!