(Kadamba Kanana Swami, March 2018, Durban, South Africa, Ratha Yatra Lecture)
How do I deal with a relationship where there is a lot of friction?
Such things are all a matter of stars. Astrology can show us how people’s karma is composed. It basically calculates different elements in a person’s nature which allows us to get a view of what kind of karma that person has. So when two people come together, astrology allows us to see if there is compatibility between those people. Sometimes when such calculations take place and the result comes to maybe ninety percent, and we conclude that since this is a really good score of compatibility, there will be less friction in the relationship. While this may be the case, this is still not the essence.
We can have very compatible karma, but the real question comes down to if the other person in the relationship is serious about their spiritual life. This always comes first because we can sit very happily together in maya, but what good is that? “We never fight. We are peacefully watching all the rubbish that plays on our TV.“ So what is the benefit of this? So in this way, a little friction can be favourable. If there are no frictions in a relationship, then there is chance we may become complacent. A little push or a little poke is sometimes exactly what we need to get out of our lethargic state of consciousness. To need someone to push us is not necessarily bad.
People often come ask me about marriage and they tend to go straight for the compatibility. I personally first want to see Krsna consciousness. If I see that the commitment to grow in Krsna consciousness is very serious between two people, then I say, “Such a serious commitment to spiritual life is very rare to find.” When such a serious commitment exists, then the two people will manage it all, even if there is friction. Still, this could be avoided. We could try to grow and rise above it and there would be a lot less suffering then. But it is difficult to be alone, and so we all look for mutually supportive relationships. Or at least a “live and let live” type of relationship. This is certainly very important.