(Kadamba Kanana Swami, 3 May 2021, Simachalam, Germany, Srimad Bhagavatam 3.19.27)
Somehow, we are struggling to surrender in this movement. And in the end, for our half-baked surrender which was there anyway, we get glorified for it. Who can say that they have surrendered out of pure love for Krsna? I was a pujari for three months and I fell asleep during the pujas. I kept nodding off. I was not a very good pujari at all. I was doing it mechanically, it was completely clear to me. I had no feeling there. I was just waving the lamp and falling asleep during an aarti.
However, the power of all these activities is so great that not only are we getting purified from all the karmic contamination by devotional service, anarthopaśamaṁ sākṣād bhakti-yogam adhokṣaje (Srimad Bhagavatam,1.7.6), but more than that we are attracting Krsna because devotional service is sri Krsna akarsini. Right now, Krsna is in the most merciful form and therefore it now attracts special mercy of Lord Caitanya.
So let us ensure that we never leave ISKCON. That is what Srila Prabhupada said because we have here the most concentrated mercy of Lord Caitanya. Some went to other institutions, yes mercy is also there. They can also go back to Godhead, but here it is directly Prabhupada’s mercy that is a special benefit. So let us stay close to Srila Prabhupada because then we can also meet with a blessed death at the end of our life. Krsna will be there in the form of His Holy Name and when we have some material desire, then there is still Prabhupada’s mercy along with us. So in this way, we are most fortunate in this movement. Tamal Krsna Maharaj used to say this to me, “You are so fortunate, you don’t realise how fortunate you are.” I used to think, “Yes, well I know I got the mercy of staying in Vrndavana!” But okay, now I have to admit that Tamal Krsna Maharaj was right.